Let me give you some... stuff. Basically, my "friends" don't care about me, my family hates me, my (EX)boyfriend cheated on me and i'm failing school. Oh, and I have self-harmed for about three years, almost four. I have no desire or ambition to live anymore. It's strange, I'm beginning to see knives as a way out instead of for cutting meat, and cars as things I can drive into lakes and ravines... these visions of suicide are scaring the **** out of me, because I never in my life thought it would come to that. Therapy isn't doing anything, and my intense belenephobia (extreme, deathly fear of needles and immunizations) has to be rid of by friday, because I am being intravenously put under anaesthesia for dental work. It has escalated to a point where it doesn't matter anymore, I either kill myself before the needle or I run away from home. I tried that once already, I only lasted about 40 hours before I came home cold, tired and wet. Tomorrow I have things to do for school in the morning so I'm going to skip the bus and walk, or that'ss my alibi. I am afraid that my anxiety and anger and extreme sadness with grasp hold of me tomorrow. I don't want to DIE... I want to die. It's so hard to explain, it really is... please help me. I have contemplated this before, but...
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yeah man well life fukn sucks at times, ive been through that depression and have had tried killing myself multiple times in hate of the world, i stabbed myself in the arms multiple times until i saw big gashing wounds in my arms and was rushed to hospital ive even tried hanging myself down the river got as far as feeling my eyeballs wanting to pop out of my head before pulling out, the best thing to do is stuff everyone else and what they think!!! do what you want to do even try a bit of marajuana people say its bad but its a relaxer it keeps your mind at ease and sometimes it can help think clearly. schooling dont have to worry to much i failed almost all of my classes but i couldnt care less, sometimes life can be stressful ive hit rock bottom gone to jail for 8 months lost my house that i worked hard to get crashed the only car i have and am looking at going back to jail again to get beaten up by all the gangsters.... but i couldnt give 2 hoots and IM NOT GONNA GIVE UP THAT EASY! if life wants to bring me down it better be ready to put up a good fight! some things you just have to bite the bullet! but life is awesome without it you wouldnt be able to enjoy all the new technology thats coming out think about it you wont even see the new playstation 6 lol... but yeah man take it easy and be a hard man to take down and relax your mind cause the mind has the power to destroy itself if overloaded with errors... i saw FTW and be strong
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