Anarchy In The UK

OH DEAR, oh dear, oh dear - tragedy for Celtic - as my old mucker David Francey might have said.

Or: "See rem orange masonic bastards at ra SFA hiv let Boogie an Diouf awa wi murder an at", as Sean South, hon. life president of the Croy CSC might have said.

And all because Super Ally walked, whilst Bougherra and El Haj Diouf were fined rather than banned for their misbehaviour during the filming of that hit DVD "Old Firm Sham Game 350".

A wee modicum of proportion lads. First of all, the only guy who walked away with a "Not Guilty" verdict was Super Ally, and, let's face it - once the video evidence was shown, he was always going to get off.

Sure, he said something which twisted wee Lennie's knickers big time, but saying something which comes close to getting you a Glasgow kiss has never been a crime in my book. It is risky, certainly, but as we learned at primary: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me". They maybe don't know that one in Lurgan - for, if not McCoist's words, then surely Lennie's reaction to them cost him a few games in the stand.

McCoist only whispered something, it was Lennie who lost it - McCoist never had a case to answer, so well done SFA.

Now we come to the Africans, different ball game. Firstly, the point those many members of the extended Celtic family have missed, as they have vented their spleens since the verdicts were released.

BOUGHERRA AND EL HAJ DIOUF DIDN'T GET OFF SCOT-FREE. They were fined. You can argue all you like about the fines being too-lenient, but they didn't walk away without a stain on their characters.

I must admit, Bougherra only being fined stinks. He could well have had "an Abercrombie", i.e. three red cards - the one he did get plus two more for man-handling the referee. But he didn't and I cannot see where Paul McBride QC is coming from, particularly given his calling.

As a QC, he fights his client's corner, then it's up to the judge and jury. If his eloquency at the bar works, his client walks. If it doesn't, he has another chance, in addressing the bench post-verdict but pre-sentence, to put forward mitigating factors in the hope of a lenient sentence. Clearly, whoever spoke for the Rangers' players put up a convincing case for a fine rather than suspension.

McBride ought to know, funny sentences occasionally get handed down, even in the High Court, but how a guilty verdict shows bias is beyond me.

El Haj Diouf always looked likely to get away with a fine. OK, he was stupid, but hey, its EHD, being stupid seems to be his default setting. The game was over, he went to his fans and some big Glesca polis got upset - hardly a flying two-footed, over the ball challenge, was it?

Mr McBride did everyone a favour when he drove that coach and horses through the SFA's disciplinary handbook. Things have to change. I accept that some of the backswoodsmen will have to be dragged, kicking and screaming to delivering the necessary changes, but in squealling when the sentence delivered isn't the one he wanted, Mr McBride does himself no favours.

OR - do we take it that it's a case of: Them bad proddies are going easy on proddie offenders and hammering puir we Kafflliks - so when we Kaffliks are in charge, we're gonnae hammer them proddies.

That's not a solution which would help.

Either way, being a proddie or a kafflik only seems to matter in football in the West of Scotland. Which shows, even more than these SFA verdicts, what a sick bunch we are up here.

Religion or bigotry or whatever you want to call it has no place in football. The decisions, unbelievable though they were, have been made as regards the Ibrox Three - live with them.

I actually think these verdicts will help Celtic wrestle the league title from Rangers. Lennie will have his players wound-up: "See, they don't like us - even the SFA is on Rangers' side, keeping Boogie and Diouf on the park. So let's show them, go out there, hump them, win the league and fuck the lot of them", should be his speech.

Celtic have the stronger, deeper squad. They have the lead and Rangers are playing catch-up. If Rangers do win the league, it will be a great effort and they will surely ignore the cries of "cheats and institutional bias" coming from the East End of Glasgow.

But if Rangers do win the league from the current positions, then it may have serious repercussions for Neil Lennon.

We live in interesting times - or "squeaky bum time" as SAF calls it.