A Nurse's Christmas Poem

T'was the week before Christmas, and all through the floor,
The Lasix was filling the Foleys galore.
Stockings were worn to prevent emboli.
They came in two styles: knee- and thigh-high.

The patients were nestled half-assed in their beds,
While visions of stool softeners danced in their heads.
We in our scrubs, and they in their gowns -
Fashions created to hide extra pounds.

When down in the E.R. it became such a zoo.
They called for admissions for me and for you.
They're coming, they're going, they're looking the same.
My patience for patients is starting to wane.

Now call lights are ringing, the patient expounds
"I have not had my peri-care, please send someone down."
So now delegation seems like a good plan.
We pass on to others the needs of this man.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But Santa himself and 8 tiny reindeer.
He states that he came in from Central Supply
To bring us LR, NS, and D5.

The doctors then scribbled what no one could read.
Orders for patients, to measure their pee.
We try to decipher illegible words.
Orders for patients, to guiac their turds.

The new shift arriving, our day is now through.
How'd the stool and the emesis get in my shoe?
We give them report and pass on the facts,
And tell them of Duoderm lining the cracks.

And the Nurses exclaimed as they drove out of sight,
"Ambien to all! And to all a good night!"