can you add this to my paragraph? please help?

Can you add this to my paragraph? I need to finish my paragraph with these details, can anyone help? C. His health was poor due to neglect 1.Lanky and pale 2.Crooked teeth, with bad dental hygiene 3.A sore on his ankle with no socks on i just dont know how to make it flow with my paragraph. The boy looked like as if he had never been cared for; his greasy fingers tugged nervously at his stringy uneven hair. His toe tapped on the pavement making a dull thud as more foot than shoe hit the pavement. Unkempt would be the nice way to put it, but it was worse than that. It was the boy's dirty face, the ill-fitting pants, the ridiculously oversized jacket–looking as if it had come directly from the dumpster–the dirty hands and face, ragged dirty fingernails. (thats my paragraph) anyways thanks and hope for you to help me
--------------------
The BAREFOOTED boy looked TO BE IN POOR HEALTH like as if he had never been cared for; his greasy fingers tugged nervously at his stringy uneven hair. His toe tapped IN LINE WITH HIS LANKY FIGURE on the pavement making a dull thud as more foot than shoe hit the pavement. ONE COULD SEE THE SORES ON HIS ANKLES AS HE DID SO. Unkempt would be the nice way to put it, but it was worse than that. It was the boy's PALE dirty face SHOWCASING CROOKED RANCID-LOOKING TEETH, the ill-fitting pants, the ridiculously oversized jacket–looking as if it had come directly from the dumpster–the dirty hands and face, ragged dirty fingernails. "BAREFOOTED" = same thing as saying he has no socks on but is shorter / easier to say by using the adjective in quotes. "Like as if he had never been cared for" is the same thing as saying "neglect" so you don't want to repeat yourself in this case. Uh, I only put caps so you could easily see my edit marks. I didn't add any commas, only periods. Good luck.
Source