Mince For Brains

BACK in the 1960s, when Andy Cameron was just starting out in comedy, THE celebrity Rangers supporting comedian was Lex McLean. Cameron may be an acquired taste to many, but, believe me, he's several times funnier than ever McLean was.

A regular target for McLean's attempts at wit was George "Dandy" McLean, the inside forward whom Rangers signed from St Mirren as a teenaged "Wunderkind". Big Dandy never quite scaled the heights he might have at Ibrox, where he perhaps took as his role model, the off-field Jim Baxter and, after the embarrassment of the Berwick defeat McLean and fellow striker Jim Forrest were cast into the outer darkness.

Forrest wilted under the shame of being discarded by the only team he loved, McLean - dubbed "Mince" McLean by his comedic namesake, who insisted the player had: "mince for brains" went on to enjoy a not-bad career, even swelling the somewhat thin ranks of those players who left Ibrox uncapped and subsequently went on to win a Scotland cap. He also formed a prolific Ayr United scoring duo with Alex Ferguson, another player discarded unfairly by Rangers, while McLean and his first wife, a former Miss Scotland, were the Posh and Becks of the sixties in Glasgow.

Anyway, McLean, Forrest and Ferguson were all pumped by Rangers after one bad performance, the future knight of the realm's "crime" being to not mark Billy McNeill closely-enough to allow him to head Celtic in front in the 1969 Scottish Cup Final.

Given that level of intolerance in the 1960s, Kyle Lafferty should give thanks nightly that he is at Rangers today. Here is a player more fitting of the "Mince for Brains" prize than George McLean ever was. He is a permanent "big reddie" waiting to break out in the corporate face of Rangers.

Mind you, after his latest performance, in being sent off at Easter Road yesterday, I feel he should now consider his options, since I feel his reputation is going before him and Scottish referees are all-too-ready to show him a yellow or red card for offences for which other players would get either a warning or the lesser card.

Take yesterday's dismissal; more sheer stupidity than malice-aforethought. In fact, having watched it a couple of times on the BBC website, I feel Anthony Stokes was more worthy of a red card than Lafferty. He had a go at the Rangers player in the aftermath of his (Lafferty's) clash with McBride and was hustled somewhat roughly out of harm's way by Davie Weir, having earlier added his twopenceworth to the laughable confrontation between those two intellectual giants of Scottish football, Messrs McGregor and Riordan.

But, Lafferty is now Scottish football's hiss-boo villain of choice, so he gets the red. That's football.

I feel what football ought to do his introduce rugby-style citings. Appoint some recently-retired referees to adjudicate in the calmer atmosphere of a Monday morning, on the weekend's flashpoint.

Given such an addition to the disciplinary programme, Weir might today be expecting a yellow card for his man-handling of Stokes, who would be due two and therefore one red card, for his involvement in the two flashpoint incidents.

After a season of zero tolerance and in the knowledge there was no hiding place for their follies, Scotland's players, maybe even Lafferty, McGregor, Riordan and Stokes, with their mince for brains, might get the message and clean up their acts - for the good of the game.