It's Life Jock - But Not As We Know It

HERE in the Philosophy Department of SHITE (Scottish Higher Institute of Team Evolution) we spend a lot of time pondering the important issues of the day.

Amongst these is that hardy annual: What is the meaning of life? We still don't know, but we are agreed Douglas Adams got it wrong in Hitch-Hikers Guide To The Galaxy, when he reckoned it was 42. Celtic have had no life since they won their 42nd league title, have they?

We also ruminate on the existence of Heaven and Hell, with varied results, dependant on how our team got on in their last game. That brought us onto what would a Scottish Football Heaven and Scottish Football Hell be like?

In SFHeaven, we would be perennial World Champions; the Champions League final would be an all-Scottish one every year, while two more of our sides would annually contest the Europa League final. The Old Firm would be just another two clubs. We would beat England 10-0 every year in the annual international and every Scottish club team would be a home-grown one, choc-a-bloc with gifted mavericks who were comfortable on the ball, could land 60-yard crossfield passes on a sixpence and provide 90 minutes of exciting, entertaining football every match.

SFHell would be - well pretty much as is, except we would be required to sit through an evening TV loop of the Uruguay game in 1954, the 1955, 1961 and 1975 Wembleys, the Iran game, the last Norway game, the Leichtenstein game with, at 9pm peak viewing time -the 1966 World Cup Final, with a new commentary dubbed-in by Clive Tyldesly.

Scottish Football is currently at a low point, on that we are all agreed. However, salvation is at hand, with Henry McLeish due to deliver part two of his Review Body's findings at Hampden tomorrow - after which, let battle commence.

If Henry thought he had it bad playing in midfield for East Fife, or on the parliamentary benches of Westminster or Holyrood - he aint seen nothing yet. There have been precious few leaks as to what he will deliver, but, since we do hear he will quite properly contend that Scottish football has too many blazers and not enough players - just watch the smelly stuff hit the fan as the blazerati defend their wee fiefdoms and self-interest.

I hope Henry is radical in his judgements and suggestions - doing nothing, or indeed, doing very little, is not an option.

His findings will make interesting reading.