THE immortal words of the great Jim Royle came straight into my head, when I heard of Chick Young's latest "exclusive" - that the SPL are looking into a British League Cup.
Let's look at the draw-backs. Firstly, it calls for an amalgamation with the SFL. Haud-oan, these are the 12 teams who, just over a decade a go couldn't wait to be shot of the SFL to set-up their own all-singing, all-dancing super-duper SPL. The price of this was that they had to, for all time, subsidise the SFL for letting them leave.
What happens to that annual subsidy? How is the balance of power going to be shared-out between the 12 SPL clubs and the 30 others?
Good few fights before that one is sorted.
So, we get a single league body. Will the re-vamped SFA allow it? Don't you think they'll be a wee bit wary, as they put in place those of Henry McLeish's Review recommendations they think they'll get through, of giving even-more power to the power-hungry SPL? English football hasn't exactly moved forward since they caved-in to the expansionist plans of their Premier League.
Then comes the BIG question -will the English want us? They didn't a decade ago, what should change their minds now?
The English never were keen on having the Old Firm hordes down there too often and to spare any indignation from members of the Celtic family - that was before the other lot tried to wreck Manchester.
NO, I'm afraid a British League Cup is a non-starter - you'd have thought even Chick Young would have recognised that.
But - there is an alternative which I feel is worth investigating - the Royal League. This was, initially as the Royal Cup, a competition between the top four clubs in each of the Scandinavian countries: Denmark, Norway and Sweden. It hasn't been run for a season or three, but I've long felt this was the way to go for our top clubs, seeking better European competition to make up for the fact, they're nearly always out of Europe before Christmas.
There were 12 clubs, the top four in each country, in the Royal League, which was really a cup competition. Put the top four Scottish clubs, at present Rangers, Celtic, Hearts and Dundee United in, suddenly you've got a much more workable 16 club set-up. Clubs such as Brondby, FC Copenhagen, IFK Gothenburg, Malmo and Rosenberg are at about the same level as the four named Scottish clubs.
I reckon a competition involving such clubs would garner TV coverage, the games would be close and exciting. It might be a goer.
Such a league would, to my mind, be more-viable than a British League Cup, involving either the lesser-lights in the EPL or the top clubs in the Championship, plus our best.
Go for it SPL/SFA.
ANOTHER item in the SPL dossier or flight of fancy which fell into Chick Young's lap has created a bit of a fuss among the regular posters on the various web sites - it's the aspiration to have Scotland as a top-15 nation in the FIFA international team rankings within five years.
Aye right - we haven't been a top 15 nation since we were ranked 11th after the 1978 World Cup Finals in Argentina. Now we're going to get back there within five years - how? Are we going to restore Messrs Souness, Gemmill, Jordan, Dalglish, McGrain, McQueen, Jardine & Co to the physical and mental condition they were in back then, but keep the ghost of Ally MacLeod out of the way?
Great ambition, some wish list - but, I don't see it happening.
And finally - what about that one: increase the TV income by 50%. Compared to that lot the Lib-Dems and the SSP are likely to form the next coalition Scottish government - with Tommy Sheridan released from nick to succeed the late Sir William Wallace as Guardian of Scotland.
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