20 year old male and his female companion come to the er. They are c/o of urogenital symptoms. (Translation: had unprotected, dirty sex and are now paying the price)
They get their workup and appropriate antibiotics are prescribed. However, they will not leave without pain medication!
It is explained to them multiple times by multiple staff that they are not getting their requested lortabs for an STD. Take tylenol, motrin, antibiotic as directed. (A bar of soap was also provided :>) Increase your fluids, bath, use a condom and you'll be fine.
Male is getting agitated (did I mention his UDS was positive also?) and is now standing in the middle of the ER corridor screaming "You don't understand...I have a really small pee hole and it f...ing hurts to urinate!"
The elderly gentleman in the next room started cracking up..as did staff! We replied (as we called security)
the size of your penis is a personal problem that cannot be resolved in the ER, please leave now!