We're Awe Doomed - Again

RUDYARD Kipling was English, which was just as well for him; had he been Scottish and living in the all-encompassing shadow of Robert Burns, nobody but a Kipling fan would ever have heard of his poem If, with those iconic lines, engraved above the players' entrance to the Centre Court at Wimbledon: "If you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two imposters both the same...."

That's a very English attitude, as is: "We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and on the streets, we shall fight in the hills, we shall never surrender."

One thing you've got to say for our Saxon nieghbours - they talk a good pre-fight game. Of course, they know, when the bullets start flying, they've got those mad Jocks behind them, ready to get tore in where the battle is fiercest.

The same Jocks, in whose faces the wind is usually blowing, whose national motto was written by an Englishman and voiced by John Laurie in Dad's Army: "We're awe doomed, doomed ah tell ye".

That certainly is the view most-commonly being voiced by Scottish football fans in the wake of this week's European cuffings for Celtic and Hibs.

Second-commonest view, at least from what I've seen on internet forums and heard on phone-ins is: "Ha, ha ha! What do you expect from teams in green and white": or "What a load of rubbish", these latter views held by supporters of other Scottish clubs.

There is nothing the average Scottish fan likes more than seeing "the enemy" humbled. 'Twas ever thus. Remember, as Sir William Wallace was handed over to the English, Robert Bruce was thinking: "Ya Dancer, that leaves it open for me to take the crown". Schadenfraude might be a German word, but revelling in the misfortune of others is a very Scottish attitude. Never more than when England is imploding in the Wordl Cup finals.

But, when it comes to putting things right - different ball game; that wind in our faces just gets stronger.

For a country which wants nothing to do with the Conservative Party, the Scots are, in life, very conservative. We like things done the way they've aye been done; we are opposed to change as a point of principle almost.

And that's the main obstacle to properly sorting-out the ills of Scottish football. That and the natural self-interest of the SFA blazers.

Most of the fans - the guys who turn up every week, in all weathers, to watch what, let's face it, is mostly cauld kale, have known for years the game in Scotland was going down the stank. We know things have to change, in fact, I'd warrant the "blazers" know things have to change - but, like turkeys asked to vote for Christmas, they're not going to change things.

And as a result, we should get used to weeks like this, results like Braga and Mirabor becoming hardy annuals, until, when we're down there in the international basement, alongside Andorra, San Marino and Malta -something might finally be done.

But, don't hold your breath. I truly despair.