Eyeballs

If you know anything about me, you should know that eyes skeeve me out. I don't like foreign objects in eyes (especially pencils, fish hooks, etc), I hate "retinal tears" and the idea of a buckle (ohhhhhhhhh, god.......)... and frankly, I'm a -10 in both eyes and would rather be eaten alive by maggots than to go get lasik (which I am an "ideal" candidate for). I do manage to put my contact lenses in in the morning, and to take them out at night... but that's about the extent of my strength. Beyond that... there's hyperventilation, weak knees, all-over shakiness, increased pulse, and a distinct feeling of nausea.

I'm not sure of the source of this irrational fear... Maybe because as a young child my ophthalmologist yelled at me when I couldn't put in my first pair of contacts, then he grabbed my face and stuck them in my eyeballs? Or all those "eye trauma" pictures in EMT books I sneaked pics of as a kid... (while all the other kids were sneaking looks at porn, I was looking at trauma... go figure)... Or maybe it's from when I was a firefighter and one of my first calls was a little girl who zipped her eyeball into her hoodie. Hell I don't know.

So why oh WHY did I go to lab today? Today when we dissected the eyeball? So I could see the frontal bone of the skull being crushed by a hammer to access the orbit? No. So I could see my lab mates skin the eyelids and remove the rectus muscles? So I could poke the optic nerve? Nope... not those reasons either.

I went with the sick idea that maybe... just maybe... participating in the dissection would toughen me up a little. You know "what doesn't destroy you makes you stronger?" Well, that was a big fat negative. I tried to be tough for the first 20 minutes... then I was destroyed. Grossed out. I didn't even DO anything. Oh, my lab group hates me I'm sure... but I just couldn't. It was just.... EEEEWWWWWEEEEEE.