Monday, May 16, 2011

She wants us to get my Husbands child 50/50 but still wants child support-- What to do?

So, my husband had a fling with a girl and she became pregnant. She was cheating on him, and he made her move out, and she told him the child was the other guys-- who she is with now. Well, we got tired of hearing the child looked like my husband so we had a paternity test done, and it was his. Let me jsut say that I was 8 months pregnant when we found out my husband had a 5 month old. We pay our child support-- we have it automatically deducted from my husbands pay check-- we cover medical, we cover co pays!! So, here is the situation!! She is pregnant with her 4th child, each with different dads!! She told my husband she didn't kno what she was gonna do and wanted to kno if we would take him 50 percent of the time. Well, my husband agreed but only if she drops the child support. I say no to that-- i understand taking care of your child financially-- which is what we do with a LARGE payment of child support--My husband has a great paying job-- but i am not gonna get the child 50 percent of the time and pay her too!! i feel that if we have him fifty percent and pay for his things here, then she should step up and pay for his things there!! She told my husband that she just didn't want to have to ask for anything if she needed it!! That urks me because if we have him, and we are paying for his needs here 50 percent and we cover his insurance medical and dental and eye vision, and we pay his co pays, what should she need from us? I feel that just because he got her pregnant, that doesn't mean he should have to support HER!! But at the same time, i don't want to let money keep my husbands son from being in our lives more and not to mention a better environment!! So please, help and give some advice!! Thank You
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These situations are always unique to each family and so very 'complicated'. My husband and I certainly had our own struggles with his daughter's mother. His daughter was 4 y/o when we married, she is 24 y/o now. And to make matters far worse than ever imagined, we found out three years ago that she is not 'biologically' my husbands daughter (there had been a paternity test done with her real father when she was 17 y/o)........ First and foremost, I think no matter what a person's unique situation is, the first priority is to always do what is best for the child- without regard to all the technical/money issues... put the child first and you will NEVER be wrong. Good and kind step-parents are a treasure! I don't say that because I was one- I say that because 'I had one'... And two: It sounds to me like a good family attorney could do a lot to resolve some of the issues you've described. I realize this can be a costly route, but, it may in turn save you thousands in support payments to her in the long run. Not sure what State you reside in, but 50/50 is usually joint custody and no one pays support to the other. Also, not sure what your thoughts on it are, but it also sounds like obtaining full custody of this poor kid is a stong possibility... And lastly, just know that from time to time the mother will likely always be, to one degree or another, a form of aggravation. It just comes with the territory. But one day you will look up and the child be be grown and the last support payment sent... so don't make the mistake of allowing it all to control you emotionally... proceed with 'grace'.
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