Saturday, August 15, 2009

The Unexpected Little Things Which Can Really Freak You Out

It's officially been 1 week (4 dissections) in the Anatomy lab now... and I'm starting to get a little more used to it. I still don't heavily participate in the dissections, but I've cut quite a bit, and am desperately trying to get used to the smell.

During the pre-lab lecture yesterday, something very disturbing happened. We are all standing around among the cadavers, and the guy next to me taps me on the shoulder and says "Hey look at that. That's really weird."

I look down at the cadaver in front of me (a woman), and I can see that she is laying on her stomach face down, and her fingers are curled up so that I can see her nails. And she´s wearing nail polish. A dark, rosy tangerine color. And I feel the tears coming. I don´t know why. It just became so real to me all of the sudden. Here is a cold, smashed grey body... but those nails are bright as can be... and I start thinking all sorts of things. Maybe she didn't know she was going to die. Now I know something personal about her. She likes that rosy tangerine color. Maybe her daughter painted her nails when she was in the hospital bed.

It took me the entire lecture to breathe and focus on the posterior cervical triangle... all the while standing composed and waiting patiently for my watery eyes to dry... and the redness of my face to return pink. I don't think anyone noticed. I wondered if anyone else feels this way?

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