Tuesday, May 31, 2011

i feel horrible, i don't know what to think..?

well,..i spent some time with my ex-boyfriend on saturday..*sighs* well he just up & left me last year without warning& moved in with his wife& kid in las vegas(they were separated for the 5 years we were together)..well, it was very hard for me..well I didn't know how to act around him i was very nervous and didn't know how to act like myself..he stepped outside twisce while i was with him this weekend to call his wife and that just made me feel really bad.You must know that i was with him for 5 years, he was still technically married but they lived in separate states and he never wore his wedding ring. Now with all that has happend i still had this glimmer of hope, until this Saturday. I still love him soo much and now i feel horrible in side..kind of like empty and what the hell is wrong with me..what am i to him..why did he want to see me? Obviously the wife is #1 and im...what...what am I to him? i want to ask him but i'm afraid that it's going to cause un-easiness for both of us..he told me that if i could wait he knows we have a future..if he loved his wife would he have seen me, i can't help but wonder, he says he doesn't but i don't know if he's just saying that cuz he doesn't want to hurt me? i don't know..i really don't know..i feel,,i don't know how i feel but whatever it is i feel weird...he also told me to let him know when i need help with anything..like i need some dental work done and he wants to pay for it..comments like that make me wonder, and i have hope that he still wants to be with me that he's just with her for the kid but ..i don't know what do you think?do you think he still cares for me?...i don't know how i feel..
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Actions speak louder than words. Sounds to me he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He is playing both of you,which should tell you about his character. Hypothetically if he left his wife that he has cheated on with you, how would you know he wouldn't cheat on you to? You don't know,but one thing for sure is he has proved he is not a loyal guy that can be trusted. He's playing with both of your emotions and someone is going to get hurt. You're not happy with the man now, or you wouldn't be asking this question and you won't ever be happy with a man like this.So why put your life on hold for a married man that obviously has no intentions of leaving? You deserve much better and find someone that can give you their complete love and attention.
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